What a fucking waste of an outfit
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
