I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You can't just leave with hair like that
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
