you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
