Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
