You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
