Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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