my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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