Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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