you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
