Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
please come you make the beer taste better
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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