Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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