he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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