Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
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every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
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And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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