I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
