well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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