I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
