Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
