At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
