their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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