dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
