pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize