i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
