I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
