Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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