Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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