Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
