I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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