And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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