You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
