he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
