All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
