I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
