Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
