There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
