why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
