By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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