idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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