Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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