No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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