I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The air taste purple.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
His nipple licking is glorious
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