So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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