My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize