You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
