She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
