last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
