As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
