i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
