So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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