it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
You made out with two different species that night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
