He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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