I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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