Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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