remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
