Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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