Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize