p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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