my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
