i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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