my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
