Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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