I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
