After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We left the knife in your bed.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
