he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
