Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
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I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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