Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
