I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
