Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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