She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
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It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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