thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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