hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
