break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...