you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
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he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person