fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas