I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago