Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"