theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
