youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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