Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
FUCK WHALES
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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