he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
