What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
