I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
