So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
